Thursday, April 10, 2014

Have a Seat in the Naughty Chair!

It's about time I showed you somethin' purdy, don 'cha think? You can either take this post as an example of my latest DIY painted furniture project, or as a caution against getting high on the sweet, sweet halo of power fumes a person is exposed to at her local PTO meeting (I swear I didn't inhale).

So, there I was helping to decorate our neighborhood public elementary school for a Dr. Seuss-themed Right to Read Week, when someone pulls out a fancy cell phone and starts trolling for "ideas" and sees that someone once painted Dr. Seuss quotes and whatnot on a chair (damn you, Internets!), and I'm all like, "I can make you a chair," and someone's like, "Really?" and I'm like, "Oh, sure, why not," and then I realize that it's Friday night, and I haven't eaten dinner, and probably because I'm low on blood sugar, I promised a magical chair by Monday.

Saturday morning, coffee, and then it begins...

Thanks to a nice lady at a local thrift shop, who was willing to break up a set of dining chairs, I scored this elegant lady:

Then, I began studying it. The arms fairly screamed, well, arms. The indentations would make perfect claws. And why not paint the intricate woodwork on the back to look like a hat? I wasn't going to paint book quotes or scenes, as I'm a poor freehand artist, but Seuss would provide my inspiration.

The chair was lightly sanded and primed in day one. Day two started with the reupholstering of the seat, which was a dumb thing to do next, as will soon be revealed. Then, I spent the whole, carpal-tunnel inducing day painting. The red was looking especially streaky. This is the problem with red paint. I love the color, but loath the process of actually putting it on anything.

At this point on Sunday evening, hubs is in the background saying, "It's late, it looks fine," which is a dumb thing for hubs to say because he has known me since before I earned my driver's license, yet this is just this thing we do...hubs trying to urge me not to be a perfectionist and me rolling my eyes. So, I gave it another coat of paint.

Monday morning, I reminded myself that it didn't absolutely have to be there first thing. I really should give it a coat of polyurethane if I wanted the paint job to last (the idea was to use the chair for many years' worth of guest readers and students, not just for this special week). So, I did that.

And then, I looked at the seat, which I'd covered in a turquoise chevron. I had picked this out because I originally planned on a black/white/red color scheme and knew the turquoise would pop. However, after adding yellow to the mix, the cushion looked wrong. Also, why not use faux fur instead?

So, I tore the fabric off, bought new, re-re-upholstered, and screwed the seat back on. It was finally ready to go. And do you know what happened next?

I didn't want to give it away.

Truth is, I've not yet created anything that wasn't meant for my own home. My evil twin (the one who inhales the power fumes) started to whisper to me, tell them you didn't have time, what are they going to do, fire you? you're a volunteer, KEEP the chair..."Where would I put it?" I asked her, but she didn't answer. Even she had to admit I had no spot for this chair.

So, I took the chair to the school, and it provided a cushy seat for the tushies of local dignitaries, including the mayor and school superintendent. While it's awaiting its next important function, I heard it has found a spot outside the principal's office. I suspect there's not a more stylish "naughty chair" to be found anywhere.



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